It can be daunting to start a new relationship when your previous partnership is over, and all the more so when you’ve children to consider. When single parents seek new partners they can find some challenges.

Be aware, you are not alone. The parents of around fifty thousand children divorce in Australia annually and naturally a large proportion of these people seek new relationships. Indeed half of all divorced people are remarried inside five years.

The first thing to figure out is when you’re ready to step forward. Some people adjust to the end of relationships more quickly than others. Even if you were unhappy in that relationship, it can take more time to settle into your newly single identity.

It seems wise to have resolved the difficult emotions that may remain from the past relationship. If not your new relationship risks being defined from the outset as an accessory to the past.

It is also important to establish where the previous relationship went wrong. It’s common that people take their old relationship behaviours into new relationships and unsurprisingly get the same results.

Even where the relationship ruin was clearly in the hands of an ex-partner, be aware that you were responsible for choosing that person and enabling their activities. There will be something for you to grow through!

When you do feel you are ready to move on I suggest for the children’s sake you take things slowly. You may be delighted with your choice but there may be many reasons why the children may not be quite so deeply impressed.

Wait till you know it’s serious before they’re introduced and when the time does come be sensitive. Invite them into your unfolding friendship without being demanding. You don’t need your children’s permission, but allowing their gradual approval is easiest and best for everybody.

New partners don’t replace parents, but they can still find an invaluable role as part of the family. With patience, communication, and intelligent strategy you can find your situation edges away from Cinderella’s wicked stepparent story and heads closer to the Brady Bunch ideal.

Martin Hunter Jones is an honorary life member of the Australian Counselling Association. He has a Counselling and Hypnotherapy practice on the Northern Beaches. Phone 9973 4997.