One of the most common concerns, looming large in many people’s lives, is worry over how they are perceived by others. We can often put our self in the back seat thus demanding that others take the driving position with our self-esteem.

The inescapable fact however is, in this vehicle that is your life, that your hands and feet are super glued to the steering wheel, brake, and accelerator. Any attempt to hand over control to the passengers will definitely result in a crash.

One fact of our life we commonly hand over is our sense of personal beauty. People can worry about the size of their bottom or the width of their waist, then wonder in turn if they are physically attractive.

The reality is that physical beauty is a feeling that becomes the fact. Fashion provides a set of “ideal” measurements however this changes arbitrarily from season to season.

You may be round in an historic moment where the alleged ideal is skinny, but your beauty still radiates from within. Every soul has eyes that sparkle invitingly if only you would show them.

Another common question relating to self-esteem is your perception of personal achievement. This wondering often relates to financial wealth, but ask yourself who achieved more, Bill Gates or Buddha? Lots of money is marvellous but it doesn’t define your success.

We can also find ourselves worrying about the mistakes we have made and in turn step away from new opportunities for fear of failure. In reality, though others may judge our errors, they forget them much quicker than we do ourselves. Indeed mistakes, even embarrassing ones, are potential proof of learning. Larger errors make for greater growth!

It’s true that people’s opinion about us has value and is worth taking into account. They can observe you from a different perspective, making their opinion a useful mirror.

Ultimately mirrors only offer a reversed two-dimensional image at best. Indeed some mirrors are deliberately designed to play tricks that provide a false and distorted reflection. Acting on your own independent thinking is the best way to proceed.

Martin Hunter Jones is an honorary life member of the Australian Counselling Association. He has a Counselling and Hypnotherapy practice on the Northern Beaches. Phone 9973 4997.