Some succeed where others don’t. Some bounce back where others crash. Some leap skywards where others are stuck firm in the mud. Some say we live according to the whims of chance. I say we make decisions and then the outcome of these decisions fall into place.

I’m not talking about the decisions about what to have for dinner or what to watch on TV. I’m talking about the decisions you’ve made about who you are and what your world is like. These fundamental constructions within our minds are really what set the levels of our personal vision, resilience, and potential.

Everyone has different reasons for their various internalised decisions however there are some common maladaptive themes.

For example imagine a child that stumbles spilling milk for the umpteenth time on the day its parent gets out of bed from the wrong side. Perhaps embedded in the sterner than usual chastisement were the fateful words that formed a decision” You must try harder”.

With this decision at the centre of a person’s identity there will be effort but never an actual sense of success. Ultimately holding that decision will find you exhausted and unfulfilled.

Imagine now that the parent’s harsh moment contained the message “You are bad”. With this decision in mind a persons choices are within the frame of perpetual disapproval. As such a person might be shy and withdrawn or alternately they might be garrulously defiant about their social deportment.

These deep-seated decisions can be difficult to see. Typically these decisions are made early in life so, like the road to your home, their details can be obscured behind an over familiarity. Knowing about these decisions that lurk in the back of your head is important because only then can you change the habitual boundaries within your mind.

On the up side it is possible to weed through the garden of your mind to fertilise and so reaffirm the decisions that work, and to remove or re-evaluate the decisions that drag you down. When you get your basic internal decisions in line the world you create will flow more smoothly.

Martin Hunter Jones is an honorary life member of the Australian Counselling Association. He has a Counselling and Hypnotherapy practice on the Northern Beaches. For appointments call 9973 4997.