One of the things we worry about is when people “hurt our feelings”. In truth this assertion is false and amounts to a blame that hands your power away, refusing your opportunity to grow.

The fact is that we are the ones that allowed that hurt to happen. Changing this behaviour that we perpetrate on ourselves is a difficult yet important challenge to meet.

”Sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you” is a rhyme we all remember from the playground. It was true when another seven year old called you nasty names. It is still true when another adult attacks you in vastly more sophisticated language. The way through this dilemma remains similar in its dynamics.

One beautifully accurate cliché that is worth integrating into your heart is “ it’s none of my business what you think of me”. This statement asserts that another person’s opinion is an indication of their state of mind not a statement of fact about the reality you exist in.

If there’s any truth to their assertion then their statement is a gift to learn from. More commonly however these statements are critical and angry discharges unknowingly designed to lift a weight of distress from the perpetrator. The critic is the one feeling discomfort within themselves and rather than being responsible with their own distress they’re handing their problem to you.

Don’t defend yourself! If there is any truth to their exclamation, accept it gracefully and change accordingly. If there isn’t, then breath out and with a calm assertion name their crime. That way they have the opportunity to apologise and receive your empowered and compassionate leadership.

Another way to resolve this experience is to invite more enlightened company into your life. Better to be lonely than to remain in the company of fools! If a person consistently behaves badly your gift to them may be to refuse them the opportunity to stand heavily upon your shoulders.

Even in conflict you get what you give. Every moment life offers is an opportunity to expand into the most marvellously wise human that you are.

Martin Hunter Jones is an honorary life member of the Australian Counselling Association. He has a Counselling and Hypnotherapy practice on the Northern Beaches. Phone 9973 4997.