It ‘s important to understand the dynamics of your mind in order react more successfully.

One tricky little machination the mind manifests is something I call Contradiction. This is when something positive occurs, yet the feelings that go with it are the opposite of what you would expect.

A readily recognised example of this is feeling tearful anguish when you see something of great beauty and delight. Parents will often experience this effect when they see their children being recognised for an achievement. The parent is both proud and joyful yet the emotion that’s discharged is analogous to sadness.

Another example is feeling anxious when something marvellously exciting is present. Imagine an unemployed person who eventually finds their perfect job. The situation invites the feeling of elation yet the effect of Contradiction means their experience includes waves of anxiety.

The confusion created by Contradiction is that people can get the wrong idea about the quality of their experience. Rather than noticing that things are going well and ought accordingly be pursued, the difficult emotions that bubble out can mean we mistakenly identify a good experience as bad and can in turn be inclined to avoid it.

Misunderstanding the opportunity Contradiction provides is so often the cause of that unfortunate phenomenon where people choke at the last moment, sliding back under their rock, just before they could have succeeded. This failure of awareness has left many a seaworthy ship to languish at length in a backwater for fear of the open ocean.

Trust Contradiction as your functional friend. It is an automatic delete device for difficult feelings that will leave you lighter and stronger if you let it. Like a direct deposit that pays a backlog of bills each payday, it may be unpleasant to see your wage so diminished, but it is better to pay the bills in a timely fashion than to leave them to build up.

Ultimately Contradiction helps you release the weight of your feelings that could otherwise hold you down. In the mind space that is opened your clear thinking can grow in confidence, moving you forward rather than around in diminishing circles

Martin Hunter Jones is an honorary life member of the Australian Counselling Association. He has a Counselling and Hypnotherapy practice on the Northern Beaches. Phone 9973 4997.